THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU
understanding the neurodivergent life … challenges & gifts
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YOU ARE A GIFT
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YOU ARE A GIFT 〰️
Neurodivergence is something near & dear to my heart. As a late diagnosed neurodivergent I have had so many emotions surrounding my entire life, but also a massive amount of clarity and more recently love and kindness for myself. In my therapy practice I’ve seen such a vast array of feelings and walked with my clients through all of them. You see we are often deemed : “weird, overly emotional, erratic, difficult etc..” the words that are used to describe us can be deeply hurtful and they leave an imprint that can leave us feeling unlovable, anxious, confused, unworthy, isolated and just so DIFFERENT. Through my own experience and with my clients I’ve learned that we are also amongst the most passionate, creative, empathetic, intuitive and loving. Learning to see the ways in which our neurodivergent qualities can be useful and also manageable is a lifelong journey. However it is my goal to help each and everyone of my clients and myself feel safer and more accepting of ourselves rather than carrying shame or guilt for the ways in which we have simply been misunderstood. Whether you have been recently diagnosed or have struggled through life knowing this is a part of you it does not define you.
Had I known earlier that my primary need has always been safety and to feel understood and to learn how to cope and educate others to not go straight to judgement or simply giving up on me I’d have been focusing on the ways to do so. As an adult who has been diagnosed with AuDHD it has been both freeing while also at times feeling as if I am trapped in a cage constantly trying to prove that there is nothing wrong with me. The combo of the ADHD and Austism give a wide spectrum of beautiful gifts and abilities, but also has come with a massive amount of pain and sometimes suffering. Constantly feeling as if I am working to hide my big emotions that can appear childlike when I feel unsafe or confused is a big challenge, but it does not have to be if you feel supported, safe, and loved.
If you are a “neurotypical” person I hope this will help to educate and understand that we do not have as much control over some of our big emotions as one may believe. However, through talk therapy, counseling, self regulation and support and love from those that we interact with we are just human beings walking through life. If you watch and learn you will see our abilities can be quite amazing and this is why I love helping others. One of my greatest gifts is pattern recognition and this is what led me to going to get confirmation of the neurodivergence qualities that I carry. The guilt and shame does not cover me when I realize it is not always me that is the “problem,” but the lack of understanding and empathy from those around us. I see lightbulbs go off when I begin to recognize client’s patterns and as their stories unfold I support and hold space as they learn to accept themselves. It is truly a beautiful thing.
I’ve had moments that I have felt massive emotions such as the ones listed above and the range can go from elated to confusion to anger all in one moment to the next. It is in these moments that I’ve realized I am not feeling safe and I am in fear. Learning discernment and self regulation is difficult when you feel or may be told even by your closest loved ones that they are scared of this shift or that you are crazy and is not what works for us. What works is teaching and learning together how to respond to these situations which are literally moments in time. We need to feel safe and held and it is challenging at times and VERY difficult to explain when you are “in it.” This also takes a tremendous amount of patience and love from your family, friends, partners and those that should be committed to understanding. Often times this does not happen and they give up. We take things quite literally and when we hear unkind words we integrate them and often times believe ourselves that they are true. I’m hear to tell you they are not true. There is nothing wrong with you .
Creating safe environments, knowing our capacity for certain situations and learning how to self regulate can aid in how we move and how we live. Common situations which may be ok for one may be incredibly over stimulating, draining, scary and lead to shut down, outbursts, depression, anxiety, and an overall unease. We often feel and see these moments before they occur through our own pattern recognition and intuitive feelings. We hold a LOT of energy in our bodies and it can produce some wild and feral like reactions. This is why safety is so important. I felt move to write this quick blog to share as a way to be supportive to others who have or are currently walking through this themselves. Again it takes an incredible amount of vulnerability and courage to be our authentic selves and to not constantly try to mask. Do not hold onto guilt or shame and keep going. On the way you may lose some people who cannot handle or accept what we need to be grounded, but those are not our people. Trust me though our people are EVERYWHERE. Trust is something we must feel inside ourselves to be able to give it. Never doubt your worth or your capabilities. You are worthy or loving support and kindness and above all never give up on yourself. You are a true gift and the rise and destigmatization of neurodivergence is upon us. The world needs our undying passion, our love for special interests and the way we pursue them because we are trailblazers. Unmask and watch who enters your life and how things suddenly work out. It is the most freeing thing I have ever done. I’d love to hear feedback on your experiences and if you are curious or have questions please feel free to book a free call there is nothing wrong with asking for help to navigate our world.
“WE ARE THE MUSIC MAKERS AND WE ARE THE DREAMERS OF THE DREAMS.”
In gratitude always,
Carey B.
